


Save your Scissors

by blueabsinthe



Series: We Were Emergencies [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, M/M, Moving On, Tampa Bay Lightning, delayed gratification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:57:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueabsinthe/pseuds/blueabsinthe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's about starting over, one agonizing step at a time ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save your Scissors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boltschick2612](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boltschick2612/gifts), [quenchmysoul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quenchmysoul/gifts).



> Takes place immediately following the events in [Do What you Have to](http://archiveofourown.org/works/683241), which is the nineteenth part in the [Hide the Night](http://archiveofourown.org/series/25182) series.
> 
> Title of the story from the City and Colour song of the same name.

_Brad's touch was light as it brushed over Vince's arm, over his chest, down his torso. His amber eyes were bright - shining like life, light, and summer all rolled together._

_He leaned over Vince in the dim light of their room, his lips searching for Vince's._

_"Vinny," he whispered, the tip of his tongue darting out to trace the fullness of Vince's bottom lip._

_"Brad …"_

_He wanted to bottle this moment, so he could relive it over and over again. Vince knew it felt like they were the only two that existed in these blissful moments. Like they both knew they could wait for a hundred years if it meant they could stay in this moment for a few minutes more._

_Brad's hands were manipulating Vince's cock as he moved over him in the muted light of their room. "Vinny … please …"_

_Vince watched as Brad shifted his position, knew instinctively how Brad would proceed. Knew this was a shared moment between just the two of them._

_"Le cœur a ses raisons …"_

_"Que la raison ne connaît pas …"_

Vince woke with a start, startling the person sitting next to him, and almost upending the pitcher of water the flight attendant was holding. 

"We'll be landing in Tampa shortly …"

Vince listened as the pilot went over their landing procedures. He ran a hand through his hair, and leaned back in his seat with a heavy sigh. 

Was it possible his past with Brad had only ended close to three hours ago?

-»«-

He emerged into the bustling arrival area of Tampa International Airport, and made his way for the car port. Vince was glad he could walk for a bit, seeing as how his legs were stiff and tight from sitting for so long on the plane.

He took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut to burn the final image of his goodbye with Brad into his mind, and took the last few remaining steps out of the airport. 

Vince was dying. Not literally, of course, but the sentiment was the same. It still did not feel like he had left New York. Left Brad.

He was happy for him. Had told himself over, and over again this was for the best. That no matter what happened, all he wanted was for Brad to be happy. 

But, it still did not stop the realization from hitting him like a ton of bricks. The realization that somewhere along the line, they had stopped making the other one happy. Hank was who made Brad happy now. 

It felt like he had been replaced. 

Vince's thoughts were all consumed with Brad; of Brad looking at him, 'goodbye' written all over his expression as he made his way towards his car. 

He almost did not hear his phone ring. A quick glance at the screen told him who was calling. 

Vince toyed with not answering the call, but decided at the last minute to answer it. "Malone?"

"You in town?"

"Just got back from ... from New York."

There was a long pregnant pause, where Vince was sure he heard the sounds of Ryan rustling around in his kitchen, before his voice came back on the line.

"Everything okay? You sound kind of … off."

"Yeah, I'll be ..." Vince's voice trailed off as a thought of Brad's hands moving over his skin flitted back into his mind.

"Wanna talk 'bout it?"

"I don't want to bother -"

"It's not a bother." Vince heard Ryan sigh. "Come over, Vince. House is empty."

Vince disconnected the call, climbed into his car, and stared out the windshield for what felt like hours, before he made a split second decision, and started up the engine.

"Fuck it," he muttered, throwing his gear shift into reverse and backing out of the stall.

-»«-

The Tampa traffic moved around Vince at what seemed like a glacial pace, but Vince was sure it was only because he was too focused on it. Anything to take his mind off of Brad, and past memories.

It was hot. Vince felt like he was suffocating, despite the air conditioning inside his car. He should feel more at home. The traffic was familiar, the streets equally as familiar. It was routine, almost. Except, everything in that moment felt foreign. 

He tried to find a memory where Brad was not somehow involved in it, and Vince felt like he was grasping at straws. Was it possible every trace of Brad had back-filled his memories, so there was nothing left but memories of him? Christ, even Gabriel's birth seemed coloured differently now. 

At the next red light, Vince leaned his head against the steering wheel, and closed his eyes, muttering under his breath, "It's for the best, it's for the best."

He was jerked from his thoughts by the car behind him beeping his horn impatiently. 

Vince almost did not realize he had pulled up in Ryan's driveway, until he shut off the engine, and looked at the house. 

Why was he here?

The last thing he felt like doing right now was showing someone else how … vulnerable he felt. The late spring air was thick, the slight floral scent in the air was cloying. 

_"As if I'm never going to leave him alone …"_

Vince shakes his head in an effort to rid his mind of Brad's voice, and waits on Ryan's doorstep. 

Eventually, the door opened. Ryan eyes Vince speculatively, his lips half-turned in an expression of amusement. He looked unfazed by Vince's presence. His cornflower blue eyes were alight with appraisal as he met Vince's gaze. 

Vince shifted his stance. If he was honest, he was kind of uncomfortable with the way Ryan's eyes were burning into his. In all the years he had known Ryan, Vince had always thought Ryan's eyes were expressive, but cold. Like he was holding part of himself back. 

He only caught glimpses of Ryan's warmth, but it was usually so fleeting, Vince never had time to do a double take. Sometimes Vince was so sure Ryan's careful, deliberate attempts at keeping his eyes remote, and distant were a way to stop his emotions from overwhelming him. Which is why it shocked Vince in that instant when he realized Ryan's eyes had softened slightly. 

The blue of his irises was like feeling fire touch your skin. It was an all-consuming warmth. It sunk into his veins, made him almost forget about why he was here anyway. 

There was a niggling thought about Ryan's eyes, but Vince would be damned if he could figure out what it was now. Vince settled for chewing his bottom lip. 

"I don't know why I'm here," he finally confessed.

Ryan's expression softened slightly. The remoteness and distance being replaced by amusement, and what Vince thought had to be sympathy. Although, when he looked at Ryan's expression again, the amusement was replaced by a coolness that had Vince shivering slightly despite himself. 

Ryan opened his door further, and stepped to the side. "You can come in, y'know."

Vince brushed past Ryan, keeping his eyes trained on the foyer. He could feel Ryan's gaze on him the whole time. He turned when he heard the lock click. Ryan offered him a slightly crooked smile, before he ran a hand through his curly, auburn hair. The light in the entrance hall caught on Ryan's hair, bringing out the gold in the strands. Brad's eyes were almost the same shade. 

_Stop it, Vince!_

Vince shoved the memory of Brad away, and focused on watching the way the light played off the tips of Ryan's hair. The gold creating an almost halo-like effect around Ryan's head. 

Ryan's fingertips brushed Vince's slightly as he walked past him. He had his hands tucked into the pockets of his shorts, as he turned his head to look at Vince. 

"I was just sitting by the pool catching some sun."

Vince watched Ryan's retreating form, watching the way his loose-fitting button down hugged the curve of his shoulders, and back. He was not sure how long he stood in Ryan's entrance hall, only that eventually he felt pretty stupid. 

He wandered towards the French doors, and stepped out into Ryan's backyard. Ryan was reclining in a chair, eyes closed. Vince wandered over, and stood staring down at Ryan. 

"Why'd you invite me over, anyway?"

Ryan opened one eye, his lips twitching in amusement at Vince's slightly baffled expression. "Take a guess, Vin. The first two don't count."

"I'm not very good with guessing games, Bugsy."

A soft laugh greeted Vince's ears. It sounded like the tinkling of bells. It caused a shudder to ripple through his system. 

"Sure you are, Vin. What've you got to lose by taking a guess?"

Vince nibbled at his bottom lip, getting lost in thought. "Even if I knew why you invited me, what makes you so sure I want to talk."

Ryan stayed silent, watching as Vince's eyes flitted to the pool, and then to the surrounding area. Ryan's smile was gone, his eyes taking on an expression Vince found was unreadable. He found it disconcerting as he realized Ryan's expression was …. unguarded. There were no smoke and mirrors this time. It was as if Ryan had laid bare all his emotions. LIke he sensed this is what Vince needed. 

Vince looked into Ryan's blue depths, and he was immediately struck with the realization at what the niggling thought was about Ryan's eyes. 

Ryan carries the ocean in his eyes. 

As Ryan blinked, the soft fringe from his eyelashes briefly hiding the blue depths from Vince's eyes, Vince found he was struck speechless by the realization. 

"Because I know how you feel."

Ryan's voice seemed to come out of nowhere. It startled Vince, and he glared at Ryan. "How could you possibly know?" He crossed his arms defensively. "Do you have any -"

Vince's words were cut off by Ryan pressing his index finger to Vince's lips. He reached a hand out to Vince's, and tugged slightly. Vince settled on the chair, near Ryan's legs, before he glared back at him. 

"Yes, I do have an idea of what it's like to leave something, or someone behind. Feeling like you want to move on, but feeling guilty. Like you'd be betraying their memory or something." Ryan's piercing blue eyes were stormy as they caught and held Vince's. "It's like being pulled in two directions. You feel like you want to split yourself apart, just so you don't have to know what it feels like to move forward without that _one_ constant in your life." Ryan's tone was low, but it curled around Vince's heart, holding him in a weird limbo. 

Vince did not realize Ryan's hand was grazing his shoulder, until he felt his skin tingle from the simple touch. 

"I can only imagine what it's like when that one constant has been in your life for almost two decades." Ryan's voice was a whisper, his eyes following the line of Vince's shoulder. 

Vince brushed Ryan's curls from his forehead, before he let his hand slide down Ryan's neck, and down his arm. He let his hand rest on top of Ryan's, knowing he should move his hand away, but not being able to. 

"Do you and Mike … do you ever still …"

Ryan shrugged, and Vince watched as the coolness slipped back into Ryan's expression. "I'm sure you can figure that out, Vince."

Vince reached a hand out, his fingers catching on Ryan's shirt. He was ready to launch into a long speech about how Ryan did not have to avoid talking about Mike with him, but the words died on his lips when he saw the look Ryan was giving him.

"It's … it's just that … maybe you should tell Mike."

Ryan sighed, his mouth set in a thin line, and he started to rise from the chair. 

Before Vince knew what he was doing, he had a hand on Ryan's forearm, and was tugging on Ryan's neck with the other. Vince was quite sure this was probably the worst possible thing he could think of doing in that moment, but he was quite sure it was what they both needed.

Ryan's eyes snapped open when he felt Vince press his lips to his. Whether it was Vince acting on impulse, or something else, Ryan was not sure. Only, it felt slightly off. So, Ryan did the only thing he could think of.

He reached up with both his hands, and pushed on Vince's shoulders. 

"You should go home, Vin. Caroline's probably wondering where you are."

Ryan stood up from his chair then, effectively cutting off any more forms of communication between them. He did not turn around to see if Vince was following him back inside the house. If Ryan was honest, though, he suspected Vince would follow him. 

He held his front door open, fingers gripping the wood so hard, his knuckles were white. Ryan watched as Vince slipped past him, his dark, expressive eyes hiding nothing from him. 

"Good night," Ryan whispered. 

"See you around."

-»«-

Vince spent the rest of the night staring at his ceiling, his thoughts all consumed with Ryan, and the way he watched as small dents began to form in Ryan's stormy blue eyes after the kiss.

Ryan's eyes haunt Vince long after he lets his dreams take over.


End file.
